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 The ultimate eragon vs durza!

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Spikethechao(a.k.a. Alex)
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PostSubject: The ultimate eragon vs durza!   Wed Oct 08, 2008 8:35 am

“ Give up.” said durza as eragon struggled to his feet. The battel for the dwarven city had been going on for a long time, with durza countering eragon’s every move. However, eragon just wouldn’t quit.

“ Never.” growled the blonde boy, facing durza.

“ You don’t have any attacks that can get me.” said durza confidently. “ And I’ve exausted you of all your magic. You won’t be able to falter me with your feeble magic tricks.”

“ Yeah,” said eragon, smirking. “ But I’ve got one more ancient spell. I gotta warn you, if I use it, you’ll never recover.”

“ Bah.” said durza dismissively.

“ You asked for it!” shouted eragon. There was a flash of light and suddenly he was wearing strange poofy pants and gaudy gold jewelry.

“ My-my-my-my dragon hits me so hard,
Makes me say ‘oh my lord’

thank you for blessing me
With a mind to rhyme and two rider feet
It feels good when you know you're gonna
be the greatest dragonrider from alagasia!”

The armies stared, slack jawed, as eragon did a strangely hypnotic dance while singing.

“ Can’t touch this! Na na na na na, na na! Can’t touch this!”

“ durza! Look away before the awesomeness of the ancient Hammertime magic overwhelms your mind!” shouted his spirits from within him, but it was too late. With him in eragon's mind, durza couldn’t help falling victim to the legendary spell.

“Fresh new kicks and pants
You got it that you gotta dance!
So move out of your seat
And get a fly girl and catch this beat!”

arya swooned.

“Cold on a battle so fall on back
Let 'em know that you're too much
And this is a beat
that they can't touch!”


“Stop.! eragon time! Can’t touch this!”

“ I surrender!” said durza, collapsing. “ Your just too awesome!”

Screw murtagh, I want that kid! thought galbatorix.

“ eragon! You were awesome!” cheered arya, blowing kisses at him.

“ I declare eragon the winner of the battle forever", siad durza.

“ What the heck was that?” shouted galbatorix's men in union. And why was it so dang awesome?
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PostSubject: Re: The ultimate eragon vs durza!   Wed Oct 08, 2008 8:37 am

mhahahahahaha!!!!!!!!! Behold my amazingly awsomely dumb sense of humor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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PostSubject: Re: The ultimate eragon vs durza!   Wed Oct 08, 2008 8:38 am

can anyone top that??........................didnt think so.........................
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PostSubject: Re: The ultimate eragon vs durza!   Wed Oct 08, 2008 11:01 am

Wtf..?

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PostSubject: Re: The ultimate eragon vs durza!   Wed Oct 08, 2008 8:37 pm

rofl! u asked b4 what coes o in my head, well.......these kind of things are pretty much it.............
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PostSubject: Re: The ultimate eragon vs durza!   Wed Oct 08, 2008 9:38 pm

I love that song...That is what I would do if I had to fight a shade.
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PostSubject: Re: The ultimate eragon vs durza!   Wed Oct 08, 2008 10:20 pm

haha, i got an even better one, wanna hear it?
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PostSubject: Re: The ultimate eragon vs durza!   Wed Oct 08, 2008 11:27 pm

of course you wanna see it, here it is


It was long after murtagh had turned good again and galbatorix had been defeated when this happened. i call it.......the utimate eragon vs murtagh!


“ We need to settle this once and for all.” growled eragon. murtagh nodded, looking equally angry.

nasuada, three feet away from the tense pair, was confused. A moment before, they had been rather civil, not arguing for once. Then, they passed a video game store(yes! i know , theres no video games! but what the heck, its my story!) and the two went nuts.

“ So, how are we going to do this?” asked eragon, crossing his arms.

“ Let’s use roran and sloan as our officiators.” said murtagh. “ That gives us until tomorrow, since they just got back from an attack. You going to call it or do I have to?”

“ murtagh the emo! Son of morzan and my eternal rival!” said eragon in grandiose tones, pointing to murtagh. “ I challenge you to the Rite of Manliness! I will prove that I am the Mario and you are the Luigi!”

“ What the heck are you to talking about?” screeched nasuada. The women in on the same street looked simialy confused, while the men were talking amongst themselves nervously, staring at eragon and murtagh.

“ I accept, eragon the farmboy.” said murtagh with a smirk. “ But I’m afraid you’ll be the one wearing the green shirt once this is over. There’s no way I could lose to a loser like you.”

“ nasuada!” said roran, racing over to her. She noticed he looked scared. “ W-what just happened?”

“ eragon challenged murtagh to something about manliness.” said nasuada with a shrug. “ Is he just-”

“ eragon, you fool!” shouted the roran, collapsing to his knees.

“ It’s too late.” said murtagh, turning and walking away. “ It’s been called. I’ll be at the ritual site tomorrow.”

“ Same here. Oh, roran. You’ll be presiding. you and sloan will be the officiators.” said eragon before storming off.

“ I never thought….” said roran, sobbing into his hands. “ They know not to go this far!”

“ roran, you need to explain.” said nasuada, walking over to him.

“ I can’t. It’s not something a woman can understand.” said rorani sadly, standing up.

“ You could try.” said nasuada, feeling insulted. “ We girls are pretty smart.”

“ It’s not that your not smart enough.” said roran, turning to her. “ The Rite on Manliness is just something foreign to the female mind. You just can’t understand it.

The women-folk looked on in confusion as the men folk gathered around the window of the video game store.

“ They ought to be more careful.” said roran, taking down the poster for the new Mario Brothers game that had just came out. “ Sure, the Rite only get’s called every few years, but putting the ad for this on the outside of the store….what were they thinking?”(once again, my story, my video game store.)

“ roran, you have to tell me what’s going on.” said nasuada, following him as he walked away.

“ nasuada, this game is called Super Mario Brothers.” said roran, pointing to the poster. “ Not Super Luigi Brothers. But Luigi is always in the games. He’s the loveable but useless sidekick.”

“ I don’t know why that’s important, but keep going.” said nasuada, nodding.

“ The side kick is a tough job. He doesn’t get the girl. He is the comedy relief in tense scenes. He isn’t the one people care about. What the Rite of Manliness is a challenge to determine which of the two men who participate in in is the Luigi and which is the Mario.”

“ I still get it, a little.” said nasuada, squinting as she tried to make her brain process the stupidity.

“ There are grave consequences to this Rite.” continued roran. “ The worst is that the Luigi often dies heroically to give the Mario the motivation to defeat the Bowser and save the Princess Peach.”

“ That’s retarded.”

“ Yes, it is.” said roran, tears welling up in his eyes. “ I didn’t understand what it meant when I accepted the Rite when my friend called it when we were kids.”

“ He’s the person who….sacrificed himself to save you, right?” said nasuada gingerly.(ok, nobody did that, but once again, my story)

“ Yes. He was the Luigi. Had I not accepted he would probably be alive.

“ Wait, what?” said nasuada, her brain starting to melt.

“ The Mario gets the girls.” said Kakashi with a sigh. “ But he can’t keep them. The next game rolls around and he’s single again. But if the Luigi gets the girl, she’s his forever. It’s a trade off. Being one or the other determines the rest of your life.”

“ nasuada dot exe has crashed.” said the dark haired girl, coming to a halt. “ Press any key to continue. The varden leader will restart automatically in one minute.”

“ Told you.” said roran, shaking his head as he walked away.

--

At the ritual grounds the next morning, there was quite a crowd. The men, as always, showed up to watch the Rite, but this time the women showed up as well. Most were curious as to what was going to happen, some like katrina, were worried about the grave outcomes that they couldn’t seem to understand, and others, like angela, were hoping for bare cheasted mud wrestling.

“ Dudes, are you, like, totally ready for this?” said sloan, lighting the sacred barbeque.

“ There is still time to back out.” said roran.

“ No. This has to go down.” said eragon, staring determinedly at murtagh.

“ Fine.” said roran walking away. “ Hear ye, hear ye!” he called out.

“ On this totally awesome day, murtagh the emo and eragon the farmboy will do battle in the most manly tradition!” said sloan, opening a can of sacramental beer and pouring it in a circle around the two opponents.

“ This rite is as old as time itself!” said roran as the men got out their copies of Icha Icha and opened it, as tradition demanded. “ For as long as there had been testosterone, this ritual had been held! Rejoice, for while these two warriors are about to carve their lives stories in stone, they have done so willingly and without fear! We will now honor them in the way of our forefathers!”

In unison the male populace of the varden belched.

“ Now, let this thing, like, begin or something!” announced sloan.

eragon let out a deep breath and slapped his palms together, straining hard. murtagh began to rub his upper lip quickly.

“ What are they doing?’ asked katrina.

“ It’s a race to see who can grow a moustache first.” said roran, turning to face the confused women. “ While eragon’s trying to make it grow by forcing it out, murtagh’s taking the high risk method of stimulating growth with friction. It could work quicker, but sometimes it actually does harm.”

“ How does having a moustace solve anything?” asked nasuada, drooling slightly. She was still recovering from the day before.

roran held up the video game poster and pointed to Mario and Luigi’s moustaches.

“ It’s just how we solve things.” said roran, “ Don’t mock it. It’s a beautiful thing.”

“ No it’s not!” shouted nasuada and katrina. “ It looks stupid!”

“ Dude, check it out!” said sloan. “ eragon’s got something already!”

True enough, blonde beach fuzz had appeared on eragon’s lip. Unfortunately, at that exact moment, murtagh stopped rubbing his lip. In a instant a thick handlebar moustache grew in.

“ murtagh wins!” said roran as eragon’s moustache grew out, taking a bushy, whisker like look. “ The red shirt goes to murtagh!”

As the women watched murtagh was born away by the crowd, a red shirt forced onto him.

“ Dang.” sighed eragon, poking at the facial hair.

“ Hey, sloan, got the razor?”

“ I do.” said sloan, handing eragon the grooming tool. With a quick swipe eragon cut off the whiskers, letting it fall to the ground.


“ Theres’s the other plus to being the Luigi.” sighed roran. “ You don’t have to keep yours. The Mario does, though.”

“ So murtagh has to keep that look forever?” said nasuada, horrified.

“ Yep.” said roran. “See ya, ladies!”

“…”

“ That was stupid.” grumbled one of the women.

“ Completely. Was there any real point to this?”

“ They made us sit though that, so we deserve some compensation. Who wants to go shoe shopping?”

“ We do!!”

--

bwahahaha! my totally insanely idotic sense of humor strikes again!
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PostSubject: Re: The ultimate eragon vs durza!   Thu Oct 09, 2008 2:15 am

WTF......?

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PostSubject: Re: The ultimate eragon vs durza!   Thu Oct 09, 2008 3:13 am

...wtf?
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PostSubject: Re: The ultimate eragon vs durza!   Thu Oct 09, 2008 3:18 am

sigh.......thats what they all say.............
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PostSubject: Re: The ultimate eragon vs durza!   Thu Oct 09, 2008 4:25 am

yes. WTF? Are you mad??!!

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here is the link to the topic:
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PostSubject: Re: The ultimate eragon vs durza!   Thu Oct 09, 2008 5:48 am

wtf?
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PostSubject: Re: The ultimate eragon vs durza!   Thu Oct 09, 2008 8:06 am

gosh, im cracking up at this point, idk why, but its funny.
deltaflip: wtf ?
aravelle:wtf?
zeb:wtf?
eragon:wtf.....r u mad?
me:mabey..............anyone like the story? anyone laugh...? anyone think im a complete retard with a horrible sense of humor?......wait, dont answer that..............
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PostSubject: Re: The ultimate eragon vs durza!   Thu Oct 09, 2008 8:09 am

I say "me" to your last question.

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If you want to get out alive, oh-oh, run for your life."


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PostSubject: Re: The ultimate eragon vs durza!   Thu Oct 09, 2008 8:15 am

..........................then you sir, do not respect the sacred hammertime spell, nor the rite of manliness............wow, i really AM wierd.......
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PostSubject: Re: The ultimate eragon vs durza!   Thu Oct 09, 2008 9:31 am

Starkiller wrote:
I love that song...That is what I would do if I had to fight a shade.

Shadie would so kick your @$$, hate to break it you...

_________________
#1 Cause of Death in the World: A Broken Heart
Don't make another victim
~---------------------------------------~
Here I am clinging onto dear life, and you're worried about what you're going to wear tomorrow?
~---------------------------------------~
Let mercy come and wash away
What I've done...
~--------------------------------------------~
I see you standing there
Staring at me
I wonder
I worry
I fear
Why do I care?


Last edited by Aravelle on Fri Oct 10, 2008 6:24 am; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: The ultimate eragon vs durza!   Thu Oct 09, 2008 12:03 pm

if you would actually READ my story, you would OBVIOUSLY see that his plan would work, since durza was defeated by it so easily...........the incompentnce of some people................ Rolling Eyes
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PostSubject: Re: The ultimate eragon vs durza!   Fri Oct 10, 2008 4:33 am

Ohh mean arya I am so going to edit that...Spike, 3rd and 2nd to last question:me. But as a member and moderator of the shades I have to say that is stereotyping us.
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PostSubject: Re: The ultimate eragon vs durza!   Fri Oct 10, 2008 4:59 am

Okay, That sounds like something we would actually do (rite of manliness)
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PostSubject: Re: The ultimate eragon vs durza!   Fri Oct 10, 2008 7:10 am

*hisses* quit double posting Star Wars freak
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PostSubject: Re: The ultimate eragon vs durza!   Fri Oct 10, 2008 8:50 am

mabey i should post the third random story i wrote involving a dancing galbatorix, and saphiras life as a successful hotdog salesman..................
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PostSubject: Re: The ultimate eragon vs durza!   Fri Oct 10, 2008 9:57 pm

Spikethechao(a.k.a. Alex) wrote:
gosh, im cracking up at this point, idk why, but its funny.
deltaflip: wtf ?
aravelle:wtf?
zeb:wtf?
eragon:wtf.....r u mad?
me:mabey..............anyone like the story? anyone laugh...? anyone think im a complete retard with a horrible sense of humor?......wait, dont answer that..............
WHY DOES EVEYONE FORGET ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH Evil or Very Mad

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PostSubject: Re: The ultimate eragon vs durza!   Sat Oct 11, 2008 5:43 am

dang man! stop changing your name!
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PostSubject: Re: The ultimate eragon vs durza!   Sat Oct 11, 2008 5:44 am

who
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