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 another eragon poem!

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Spikethechao(a.k.a. Alex)
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PostSubject: another eragon poem!   Wed Jun 18, 2008 11:18 pm

Once in every lifetime
by
Alex Cook


Once in a land,
of magic and skill,
there lived a young boy,
who stalked very still.

The deer that he hunted,
evaded him twice,
No tracking back now,
he would be victorious,

Through forests and and mountains,
he was lead by the doe,
till he saw a clearing,
of which nobody knows,

he pulled back the string,
on his short bow,
he had her now,
there was nowhere to go,

But then an explosion,
had rocked the charmed land,
and so the young doe,
had gone off and fled,

that was the day,
that fate shined on him,
for the stone he had found,
was a mystery to them,

in truth it was an egg,
behind its enchanted guise,
and from it hatched a dragon,
of dazzling bright blue eyes,

But now he must flee,
for the king of this land,
was a tyrant of greed,
and quite a madman,

he wanted the dragon,
he feared for his power,
so he sent his dark minions,
to kill our young rider,

through snow and through ice,
led by an invisible rope,
the trio grew stronger,
they were the last hope,

but then on that dark day,
the minions had caught them,
they were doomed now,
till a brave archer freed them,

though the boy would live,
not so for his teacher,
he died very slowly,
taking his secrets with him,

and after that dark hour,
no more smiles did they give,
they were out for survival,
they were trying to live,

driven by instinct,
they crossed the great plain,
in hopes of finding help,
of which none came,

they joined the resistance,
it was their last hope,
their days of peril were over,
or so they had thought,

the monsters had followed them,
they were invading the city,
all men were ready,
it was a great pity,

led by the kings demon,
they proved a tough fight,
and through the tunnels,
a battle erupted that night,

but though they won,
they faced a heavy loss,
but none so great as the boy,
who had payed a great cost,

he was scarred forever,
the wicked shade had cursed them,
and though he prevailed,
a great sickness had hurt him,

but he did not know of this now,
they had just won the fight,
and that is how a boy and his dragon,
saved us all in that one night........
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TheShadow
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PostSubject: Re: another eragon poem!   Wed Jun 18, 2008 11:19 pm

Nicccceeee. Seqeul?
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Simply Aravelle

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PostSubject: suggestions   Wed Jun 18, 2008 11:35 pm

Hmmm... good, but are all the commas necessary? You're supposed to briefly pause after reading each line, so the commas are basically obselete. Also, is it supposed to rhyme? You peppered it with some rhyme here and there, but if it's meant to be a rhyming sort of poem, it needs to be more consistent. If not, then have less rhyming! I don't mean to sound so critical, but I'm a picky editor. Embarassed
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Elliot
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PostSubject: lol   Wed Jun 25, 2008 7:14 pm

Yea its good like the other one keep going with them Very Happy

Moo i mean erm good!
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Zeb
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PostSubject: Re: another eragon poem!   Wed Jun 25, 2008 9:04 pm

not bad...
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PostSubject: Re: another eragon poem!   Wed Jun 25, 2008 11:26 pm

Baa! Make a few more, Spike! but to be honest, I prefer your fanart much more tongue
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TempestWings

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PostSubject: Re: another eragon poem!   Thu Jun 26, 2008 9:30 am

I beg to differ. I thought that, although the poem did have some rhyme scheme issues, it had a fairly good foot and meter. You had mostly iambic dimeter...although you sometimes trailed off a bit... Your stanzas were excellently put together and your rhyme scheme as I said had some issues, but it was fairly consistent. Aravelle, he was a bit more advanced in the realm of meter and foot than you Very Happy Wink !
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Simply Aravelle

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PostSubject: Re: another eragon poem!   Thu Jun 26, 2008 9:34 am

affraid Suspect I felt my poem had a BIT more charm and detail, thank you very much. So what, I didn't get the poetic form right? I formed beauty with words, which was my goal, and in my opinion, the goal of the poet. Or at least it SHOLUD be. A poet is not a poet until he or she has stirred the hearts of their readers with the beauty, emotional depth, and detail of their poem. This is why I like mine better. No offense, Spike. I feel you're an artist with colors, not words.

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Don't make another victim
~---------------------------------------~
Here I am clinging onto dear life, and you're worried about what you're going to wear tomorrow?
~---------------------------------------~
Let mercy come and wash away
What I've done...
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Zeb
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PostSubject: Re: another eragon poem!   Thu Jun 26, 2008 9:48 am

Aravelle wrote:
affraid Suspect I felt my poem had a BIT more charm and detail, thank you very much. So what, I didn't get the poetic form right? I formed beauty with words, which was my goal, and in my opinion, the goal of the poet. Or at least it SHOLUD be. A poet is not a poet until he or she has stirred the hearts of their readers with the beauty, emotional depth, and detail of their poem. This is why I like mine better. No offense, Spike. I feel you're an artist with colors, not words.

There's no need for this bickering. Arby's and Spike's poems are different. They both have pros and cons. That's just how it is. And I think that you are a bit biased, Arby, what with the "charm and detail".
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PostSubject: Re: another eragon poem!   Thu Jun 26, 2008 9:52 am

Hey! You could have everything in perfect format in a poem, and it could just say "I am a frog. I am green. Green is a good color" and it wouldn't be true poetry!

_________________
#1 Cause of Death in the World: A Broken Heart
Don't make another victim
~---------------------------------------~
Here I am clinging onto dear life, and you're worried about what you're going to wear tomorrow?
~---------------------------------------~
Let mercy come and wash away
What I've done...
~--------------------------------------------~
I see you standing there
Staring at me
I wonder
I worry
I fear
Why do I care?
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Domia abr Wyrda

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PostSubject: Re: another eragon poem!   Tue Jul 01, 2008 8:45 am

i like my poem better but yours was OK Mad Mad Mad Mad
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Elliot
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PostSubject: meh   Wed Jul 02, 2008 2:42 am

Come on guys lets just get along, but i like Sam's Black dragon one best, BUT thats just my opinion!! meh! dont kill me please??!!
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PostSubject: Re: another eragon poem!   Wed Jul 02, 2008 4:20 am

no its kool i dont really even right poetry so i agree sams is better
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PostSubject: Re: another eragon poem!   Wed Jul 02, 2008 9:10 am

lol! Mine ish superior to all! And you just like me Nell, not the poem!

_________________
#1 Cause of Death in the World: A Broken Heart
Don't make another victim
~---------------------------------------~
Here I am clinging onto dear life, and you're worried about what you're going to wear tomorrow?
~---------------------------------------~
Let mercy come and wash away
What I've done...
~--------------------------------------------~
I see you standing there
Staring at me
I wonder
I worry
I fear
Why do I care?
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Domia abr Wyrda

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PostSubject: Re: another eragon poem!   Wed Jul 02, 2008 9:11 am

you guys are hillarious to listen too lol! lol! lol! lol!
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PostSubject: Re: another eragon poem!   Wed Jul 02, 2008 9:13 am

Rolling Eyes I know, it probably is quite amusing...

_________________
#1 Cause of Death in the World: A Broken Heart
Don't make another victim
~---------------------------------------~
Here I am clinging onto dear life, and you're worried about what you're going to wear tomorrow?
~---------------------------------------~
Let mercy come and wash away
What I've done...
~--------------------------------------------~
I see you standing there
Staring at me
I wonder
I worry
I fear
Why do I care?
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Domia abr Wyrda

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PostSubject: Re: another eragon poem!   Wed Jul 02, 2008 9:13 am

you have no idea
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PostSubject: Re: another eragon poem!   Wed Jul 23, 2008 8:23 pm

UNO!

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here is the link to the topic:
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Simply Aravelle

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PostSubject: Re: another eragon poem!   Thu Jul 24, 2008 1:16 am

confused Excuse me???

_________________
#1 Cause of Death in the World: A Broken Heart
Don't make another victim
~---------------------------------------~
Here I am clinging onto dear life, and you're worried about what you're going to wear tomorrow?
~---------------------------------------~
Let mercy come and wash away
What I've done...
~--------------------------------------------~
I see you standing there
Staring at me
I wonder
I worry
I fear
Why do I care?
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eragon5217

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PostSubject: Re: another eragon poem!   Thu Jul 24, 2008 4:47 am

erm sorry. There's a pack of UNO cards sitting on the table in front of me. So I thought of UNO.

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-JOIN THE CAUSE! Keep the topic at the top of the list, without keeping it off topic, Matt if you're reading this, go there too. If you read it, reply, we need everyone's help!!

here is the link to the topic:
http://eragonheadquarters.forumakers.com/website-content-f11/i-m-mad-hey-matt-please-read-this-t408.htm
just so you know, I'm not Tom.
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Simply Aravelle

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PostSubject: Re: another eragon poem!   Thu Jul 24, 2008 5:42 am

lol! random much?

_________________
#1 Cause of Death in the World: A Broken Heart
Don't make another victim
~---------------------------------------~
Here I am clinging onto dear life, and you're worried about what you're going to wear tomorrow?
~---------------------------------------~
Let mercy come and wash away
What I've done...
~--------------------------------------------~
I see you standing there
Staring at me
I wonder
I worry
I fear
Why do I care?
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eragon5217

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PostSubject: Re: another eragon poem!   Thu Jul 24, 2008 5:43 am

well for you maybe but not for me!

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-JOIN THE CAUSE! Keep the topic at the top of the list, without keeping it off topic, Matt if you're reading this, go there too. If you read it, reply, we need everyone's help!!

here is the link to the topic:
http://eragonheadquarters.forumakers.com/website-content-f11/i-m-mad-hey-matt-please-read-this-t408.htm
just so you know, I'm not Tom.
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Simply Aravelle

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PostSubject: Re: another eragon poem!   Thu Jul 24, 2008 5:44 am

I know, but we can't see what the other does.

_________________
#1 Cause of Death in the World: A Broken Heart
Don't make another victim
~---------------------------------------~
Here I am clinging onto dear life, and you're worried about what you're going to wear tomorrow?
~---------------------------------------~
Let mercy come and wash away
What I've done...
~--------------------------------------------~
I see you standing there
Staring at me
I wonder
I worry
I fear
Why do I care?
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eragon5217

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PostSubject: Re: another eragon poem!   Thu Jul 24, 2008 5:45 am

yeah true!

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-JOIN THE CAUSE! Keep the topic at the top of the list, without keeping it off topic, Matt if you're reading this, go there too. If you read it, reply, we need everyone's help!!

here is the link to the topic:
http://eragonheadquarters.forumakers.com/website-content-f11/i-m-mad-hey-matt-please-read-this-t408.htm
just so you know, I'm not Tom.
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PostSubject: Re: another eragon poem!   Thu Jul 24, 2008 5:46 am

bla.... Laughing EVIL SMILEY!

_________________
#1 Cause of Death in the World: A Broken Heart
Don't make another victim
~---------------------------------------~
Here I am clinging onto dear life, and you're worried about what you're going to wear tomorrow?
~---------------------------------------~
Let mercy come and wash away
What I've done...
~--------------------------------------------~
I see you standing there
Staring at me
I wonder
I worry
I fear
Why do I care?
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another eragon poem!
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